A Million Ways to Die in the West

In 1882, mild-mannered sheep farmer Albert Stark lives outside of Old Stump, Arizona and hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs to bar brawls to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. He is also not adept at shooting guns, which makes death by shoot-outs even more likely, and is the reason why he cowers out of a shoot-out with someone to whom he owes money. Although she states otherwise, the shoot-out is arguably the last straw for Louise, Albert's vain girlfriend, who breaks up with him. Her "it's not you, it's me" reason rings false as she quickly starts up with mustachioed Foy, the wealthy owner of a mustache grooming products store, he who Albert knows he cannot compete in not being wealthy enough to be able to grow a well-groomed mustache. Albert is befriended by the self-admittedly "smokin' hot" Anna and her "brother" Lewis, who are new to Old Stump. Anna vows to help Albert with many issues in his life, specifically in getting Louise back largely by pretending to be his girlfriend to make Louise jealous, and learning how to shoot in what ends up being a challenge to a shoot-out with Foy for Louise's hand. As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna must decide if and when to tell him that she's already married, though unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. Albert, in turn, has to decide when he will become a real man in doing what he needs for what, or whom, he truly wants in life.