The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon

Unlike most murders, which typically last seconds or even hours, this premeditated, cold-blooded, and utterly merciless killing stands out in the fabulous history of cinema: it spans years. To be more specific, what started as a subtle nuisance quickly escalated into a terrifying threat, forcing forensic pathologist Jack Cucchiaio to flee for his life. The source of this menace? A feral, omnipresent entity that never sleeps, never forgets, and above all, never forgives. The weapon of choice? An exceptionally ineffective, old-fashioned spoon. Chances of survival? None.